Over the past few weeks (well, more like months) I have been racking up plenty of life lessons, daily observations, and more than my fair share of "blonde moments." Everyone throws around the term "mommy brain" and I often use it to describe my less than astute moments. Before giving birth I took pride in having the memory of an elephant....
now I have the memory of a gnat. I did a quick google search on "mommy brain" and what I found confirmed my suspicion: my brain has in fact shrunk. Ok, maybe not, but it feels like it has. Turns out some research shows that parts of your brain may actually grow during pregnancy. That clearly didn't happen to me. I find myself daydreaming at inappropriate times, pausing for what seems like an entire minute during a conversation just to come up with a certain word, and doing just plain stupid things. The thought of having to study for a graduate school exam at this point in time makes me shiver and following a recipe sometimes seems too challenging to even attempt. I used to have a mental plan for days in advance....
now I plan for the next five minutes ahead of me. So for
now, "mommy moments" are the new blonde moments..........
- Grocery shopping is no fun. If there is anyone out there that enjoys grocery shopping I have a big ol' pie in the face for you. Walmart makes the process that much more taxing....long lines, crappy carts, and plenty of oblivious people standing in the aisles catching up on the last five years of their lives blocking my access to the sun-dried tomatoes. Today as I was enroute to the cereal aisle while pushing a rickety cart I had a big "mommy moment." The front of my cart spontaneously veered toward a Cracker Jack display. And you can just picture what happened next. Thankfully I had the help of a lovely lady coming toward me who witnessed my screw up. She and I picked up box after box of treats and "piled" them back up on the shelf. I left Walmart with a bit more humility than when I walked through the doors. :)
- Who needs salon brand hair products when you can just use Johhson & Johnson baby shampoo. While rushing through a shower the other morning (mostly due to a child who so badly wanted to lift the toilet seat lid) I grabbed for my Hallie's shampoo and lathered up my hair. Only after I rinsed it out and could smell the familiar baby smell did I realize what I'd used. It did the job and I smelled that baby smell all day long. :)
- If I'm not at home or at work chances are you can find me in the drive-thru at Sonic. I take at least two trips a day there to wet my whistle. If I added up all of the money I'd save in a year if I just cut up my own lemon and put it in water from home, I could probably buy a small island. And with the way Sonic has gone all Nazi lately I may just have to cut down on my trips. They stopped selling salads...one of the only healthy things on their menu. But that topic is for another day. My real story is how I like to pay for my drinks. I handed over my card through the window, sat and waited....the lady behind the window quickly handed it back to me and gave me a strange look. It turns out they don't take Academy gift cards as a form of payment at Sonic. :)
- You know that feeling when you are about to pee your pants and the last thing you want to hear is the sound of running water out of a faucet. Oddly enough, the same thing goes for babies as well. Hallie has now peed on the bathroom rug (and my leg) a total of four times while watching me run the water. Diaper removal is a last minute thing nowadays. Lesson learned. :)
- Note to others: do not carry your laptop under your chin while you are sweaty. Or how about just don't every carry your laptop under your chin. I am a "one trip" kinda girl. What I mean by that is if I have a car load of stuff to carry in the house I will do everything in my power to bring everything in at once. Even when it's 113 degrees outside. I didn't drop my computer but it was way too close. :)
- Fill 'er up. I had a moment last week at the gas station. A very, very embarrassing moment that involved a gas tank and one dumb momma driving off without removing the nozzle from her tank. Oh sheesh!! SO. STUPID. I have always wondered what would happen if I accidentally drove off without "disconnecting." Luckily what I had always imagined did not happen. The place is still standing and no fires were started. Though my pride was severely injured in the process. As I heard a "clunk, clunk" as I drove away it took me less than a second to realize what I had done. I stepped out of the car and made the walk of shame back to the gas pump and put my gas cap back in place while having holes burned through my skin from the fifteen plus oil field workers staring while filling up their work trucks with fuel. I drove away wondering why on earth God entrusted a child to me. :)
- When your husband has the nerve to say "babe, you look tired", then odds are you look pretty horrible. And the funny part is I wasn't offended in the least....because I knew just how horrible I looked. This morning was one of those where it took every last ounce of energy just to lift the sheet before crawling out of bed....let alone having to hit my snooze button three times. This could explain a jaw-dropping moment from the other day: while furniture shopping with my dad and sister I was asked by a salesperson if Hallie was my granddaughter. I suppose she thought that I was married to my dad and Bailey was our daughter with a baby. Oh geez!
- After my humbling moment at Walmart this morning I headed over to the carwash. Simple enough task...how could I mess this up? Pull up to the drive thru, select my wash, slide my card, forget my receipt, back up to grab it....and get stuck with the gait closed. I figured an attendant was nearby and would able to hear me honk. So I honked....and waited....and then honked....and waited. And then I double honked hoping they would sense my urgency. I was in no hurry but was expecting someone to pull up behind me soon and wonder what the heck I was doing. Finally a nice man came to my rescue. It turns out he couldn't open the gate for me so I had to back up and go all the way around and come in the side entrance....also known as the "entrance for people with mommy brains."
There you have it folks....be my friend at your own risk. You just might catch it from me......
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