Hmmm. I'm been letting this post simmer in my head for a week or so.
Letting terrible two horror stories pile up.
Where to start???
Well why don't I just dive on in and give you a prime example in the form of a photo?
Here lies my terrible (yet somehow irresistible) two.....
"I'm not in the mood"
If you asked Lil Red she'd probably tell you that life's been pretty tough lately. Well at least that's what you'd think after spending a few hours of an evening with her. Don't get me wrong, she has her giddy, happy, overjoyed moments.....BUT those are few and very far between these days. I sit and wonder why I feel like we've been blindsided by this sudden change. How on earth can a couple of innocent parents be blindsided by a phase that has a very well-known name....the terrible twos....people talk about it....but they don't really talk about it talk about it. Ya know what I mean? So that's just what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna talk about it like nobody's talked about it before. And my hope of hopes is that someday Hallie Grace will be sitting in her own home reading this while her pretty little child is screaming so loudly that it makes it difficult to process the words she is reading.. That's my hope. (cue evil mommy laugh)
Let's start with bedtime. Nobody told me that the terrible twos extended into all facets of a daily routine. Nobody told me that each portion of our day would turn into a circus. And I'm certain that nobody told me how difficult putting a two-year-old to bed would be. What do you get when you add these things together?.... A pushover mom + a red-headed monster + an endless amount of new stalling techniques. I've been dying to share these horrendously frustrating stories with you but haven't had time of an evening due to these marathon bedtime routines that keep dragging out longer and longer. The root of the problem is this: she has more to say and can say it well. Her expanding vocabulary means she is able to tell me EXACTLY what she wants. Here's a sneak peak into an average 9:00 bedtime......I snatch her up from her reading chair, we say goodnight to Dora, give kisses to dada, snuggle up next to Dora, tell me those words I love to hear as I slowly tiptoe out the door. Next comes the waiting. I continue tiptoe-ing down the hallway and count my steps.....eight...nine....te....."MOMMA!!!! MOMMA!!!! MOO!!!" Ok, wait. Didn't we just do all that training and weaning from a cup at night during potty training???? And wasn't that part super easy???? So what happened? I don't remember anything changing. Why this sudden desire for a midnight moo????I I guess I'll never know. What this momma does know is that moo rots teeth when it hangs out on those baby gums all night. So I sneak back into her room and hand her a couple ounces of water. Holy devastation. I close the door. We sit in shock for five minutes listening to the screams. And then all of a sudden we hear a tiny, small, sweet voice through the screams say "momma? Cracka." Oh reeeeeaaaaalllllly???? We let her cry it out for thirty minutes the first night she started this circus routine. Turns out that the crying never went out. It just kept going.
Hallie - 1
Mom & Dad - 0
I guess I'm sort of going backwards but let's move on from bedtime to dinner time. Here's a short summary of a typical dinner scene in our household. She runs around the house pointing to her tummy and hollering "food momma, food!!!" The drama begins once she's up in her highchair with a lovely plate of food in front of her. An array of colors, types and flavors are within her reach. And that's precisely when she wants a cookie. If we place a requested glass of milk in front of her she usually responds with a giddy smile and ten seconds later we might we cleaning it up off the floor. This is what happened one night this week. I have a story about that night.....
It began with that toot helping soak up the mess until she decided that she needed to go pretend to pee. She's a sharp little one, I'm tellin' ya. So we left Riley to finish clean-up. Hallie and I ran to the bathroom and didn't bother turning the light on. I sat her down in the toilet. Plop. Right into the bowl. Wet little legs and all. OOPS!
Did you know that the simple act of giving a two-year-old a pink spoon is life changing? Well in our house it is. And did you know that telling a two-year-old to please take your pair of red high heels off so that you can leave the house is unforgivable? Yes, you guessed it. In our house it is.....
Let's forget for a moment that she was screaming in these pictures. I would like to brighten up this post with the fact that she rocked those heels like no other two-year-old I've ever seen. Not only did she put them on all by herself but she stood up and walked all around the house in them. Talk about a proud momma! ;) She even suggested we go pick out a bow to finish off her ensemble.
Hey, here's another question. Did you know that riding in a stroller is considered torture in the minds of some? Some being this little one right here.....
"I'm running away."
"What's the big deal?"
Oh I see. Two-year-olds think they are in charge. I get it now. They can brush their own teeth, prepare their own food, bathe themselves and WALK THEIR DOGS. Of course, how could I have been so foolish. Here's a rare content picture of the Hal Gal.
"Are you saying that you doubt me?!"
Or wait. Maybe she thinks that she IS a dog. Yes, yes...that's it.
I kid you not. This child thinks she is a dog. And being a dog is one of her favorite things to do. I guess it doesn't help that we've given her a doggy name and lure her with "treats" and order her to do tricks as she pretend pants and shakes our hands. You can't make this stuff up people. Moving on........why don't we talk about her desire to dress herself. I'm afraid that she has her dad's eye for fashion and matching. :(
A very tired and mis-matched bedtime baby
Hey, here's another doozy for ya....did you know that turning on Dora instead of Mickey Mouse is considered a sin in some cultures??? Huh, huh?! Did you know that!?!?! And while we're on the subject, did you know that it's not okay to enter her playhouse without permission?? We find these things out the hard way.
You wanna know something really cool though? Once in awhile....every now and then....once in a blue moon...if we pray hard enough....SHE IS A VERY HAPPY, SWEET, LOVING, CARING and SMILEY big girl. Here's proof......
But until we move on out of this phase I can guarantee you that this is what ALL three of us will continue to look like....
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