Birthday Balloons for Grammy

I realized on Monday what Friday was.

 Another reminder.

Darn those anniversaries and birthdays.

Today was kinda yucky. Despite my best efforts to put a smile on my face and go about the day as if it were just any other day it just didn't work like that. Birthdays are of utmost importance to me, after all. I woke up at 6:00 a.m. after having a dream about my mom. Very fitting that it was today because she hasn't been in my dreams in quite some time. In this particular dream she wasn't feeling well. I kept badgering her about what was wrong (what's new?!). In the dream she finally told me she was pregnant and that I was going to have a baby brother. I woke up pretty freaked out. What an odd dream to have. It kinda had me bummed. Not that my mom would've given birth to a child at the age of 54....but it was just one more reminder of how much more life she had to live. But on the other hand I was feeling lucky for having spent some time with her in my dreams...even if it was creepy.

The day sort of dragged on. And on and on and on. And on. I may as well have been a slug dressed in scrub pants. Worthless was me. My tank was running on 'E' from the moment my feet hit the pavement for my morning run. Even the time spent outdoors in the cool air didn't seem to wake me from my dazy haze. "Oh well", I thought. And I made it through the rest of the day with that attitude. Oh well.

I was looking forward to picking up Hal from daycare. We had an important mission. We needed to send Grammy some love. I absolutely loved our celebration last year on momma's first heavenly birthday so I didn't see any reason to depart from that tradition that began a year ago today. But we didn't have 54 balloons. And we certainly didn't have a group of family here like last year. But we made up for all that with excitement. The excitement of course came from a certain little girl who was absolutely giddy at the sight of colorful balloons. She sat atop the dining room table and helped grabbed at the "balls" as I filled them with helium. Riley was our balloon gatherer making sure that she didn't let them float to the ceiling. Once we had one of each pretty color blown up we were ready to send them up to heaven.

Watching her stare at the balloons in awe had to be one of the sweetest moments ever. It's not everyday that I can actually get her to give her attention to something. So the fact that she was right there in the moment with me was just perfect. I'm keeping helium tanks on hand from now on if balloons on strings maker her this happy....

I handed the balloons to her one by one. She got tangled in a few but they all ended up floating up, up and away.....

She stood and stared as the balloons got smaller and smaller.....

<3

Grammy would've been 54 today. In honor of her birthday I enjoyed a margarita and some ice cream. I bet she's having a laid-back celebration in heaven right now. She's probably curled up in her robe reading a good book. I know she doesn't need our balloons to have a special day. I'm sure there is plenty of COLOR up there but I sure hope the Hallie's balloons added a little extra "POP" to her day!

If there is anything I've learned since she left us on this earth, it's this: life doesn't stop moving. Just because today was a little extra tough to get through....just because I wanted to go sit with her at the cemetary for a bit tonight.....just because I didn't feel like helping other people with their problems today....just because I wanted to curl up in bed and sleep all day....and just because I wanted to throw a hissy fit and stomp around screaming "this isn't fair!"....it doesn't matter. Because no matter what, life keeps moving on. Good or bad. Happy or sad. And I guess I've decided that that's a good thing.

I think about you everyday so my thoughts of you today were nothing new.
Missing you just doesn't do these feelings justice.
WE LOVE YOU SO VERY MUCH GRAMMY.
See you soon.