So there I was......
Saturday morning. The sun had just come up. I'm sitting in the parking lot of Baptist Hospital. What a dreadful place. Well, I guess it's sort of a happy place too. At one time it was. Now it just sucks. When I see the building or even think about it all the images and memories I conjure up are almost sickening. It's still not real. Yes, I have a grasp on the harsh reality. Mom went to heaven in that place. I get that. But I still don't get how it happened. Or why it happened. I didn't want to see doctors, nurses, or any familiar faces that would stir up any extra emotions. I wanted to get through the day ahead of me and leave. The day involved a neurological course from 8:00 to 5:00. Ok, I can do this. I'd woken up at 4:00 a.m. to make it to OKC by 7:45. Blek. The course started out great seeing as how I had a good friend on one side and a former coworker on the other. Hooray....two people to wake me up when I fell asleep! In all seriousness, it was a wonderful course with knowledgeable speakers. But then that moment happened. The moment that so rudely reminded me of exactly where I was sitting. Seven floors up in where I sat with mom all those nights...all those days....all those procedures...all those doctors. And where I said my last goodbye.
The overhead speaker system went off and someone said " CODE BLUE, Room 806, code blue Room 806. Would all guests refrain from using the elevators and stairs for the next several minutes."
I can't tell you how many times I'd heard that announcement in that building and thought "Come on! Say the room number first so I can know it's not my mom's room!!" So back to the auditorium.....the announcement ends and the witty speaker down front shares a bit of comedy with us "unless that's your mother in Room 806 I suppose you stay seated."
Poor guy was just trying to be funny. So why did I want to shoot darts at him with my eyes and run down and pummel him in front of everyone?
Man, it's been a rough couple weeks. The stress has been taking a toll. Simply put, something's got to give. I spent the other weekend sorting through my mom's belongings (finally after a year and a half). That didn't help matters. Work is INSANE. Life activities are piling up. That's all I'll say about that. I've done a very good job of running myself into the ground and this huge rut I've created has been tough to dig out of. There are upwards of 176 blog posts just waiting in my drafts...and it seems that they will be waiting there for awhile until I figure out a way to balance things. My Aunt Lana thinks a clone would be a good option. I entertained the idea for awhile but then realized that I would undoubtedly decide that my clone wasn't doing a good enough job and fire her. Hehe. Today was a step in the right direction though....church, lunch, nap....and then lots and lots of work but I'm just thankful for the first part of the day. But what I really, really, really want and need.....don't tell anyone though....I want a day alone. Completely and totally alone. Ah, so many things I would do. Blogging would sadly be the first thing on my list. I can tell you that it would for sure trump laundry and dishes. I've got so much to update and share about this little gal....
Despite all the, for lack of a better word, CRAP that overwhelms me from day to day, I still have the most precious gift in the world greeting me every morning and hugging me every night.
It sure is a brutiful life. (as one of my favorite bloggers would put it)
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